50 Twilight Related Questions.

I'm feeling thoroughly unoriginal but am compelled to write at the same time, so I thought I'd revisit what I've positively beaten to death, and beat it some more. Twilight. As if I even needed to say it. Although it sounds like this sprung up out of nowhere, I have been meaning to blog on the subject for a while, as Smeyer is almost as good raising questions and interesting points as the writing team from Lost. (Note: I actually like Lost). Thus, I give you a number of questions the Twilight series has left unanswered, that I couldn't be arsed to research:

1. How the hale did Edward remain virginal for all 108-110 years?
2. Are you sure he didn't get down with that succubus Tanya?
3. Did anybody ever question his sexuality due to his inherent aversion to women for over a century?
4. If Bella is Edward's la tua cantante, why does she also smell good to every other vampire within a 5mile radius? I was under the impression that her blood should only sing to Edward.
5. Why can't anybody attack Bella's mind? Don't give me this shit about her mind being private, if anything it's because there's nothing going on up there.

6. Can werewolves imprint on other werewolves or vampires?
7. Are there other werewolves throughout the world, or is it a power simply relegated to the Quileute tribe?
8. Does bisexuality or homosexuality exist in the vampire realm?
9. How on earth can Bella be so clumsy that it has nearly caused her death on several occasions?
10. Are Billy and Charlie secretly fornicating everytime they go fishing?

11. How did Emmett come about? A tiny mention about him being mauled during hunting will not suffice.
12. Why the fuck is everybody in Forks so technologically challenged?
13. Will Edward release a high pressure stream of male ejaculate when there is kinky vampire secks in the books?
14. WILL THERE EVER BE KINKY VAMPIRE SECKS?
15. Why do Rosalie, Esme and Carlisle have such pissy powers? Bringing your compassion, kindness or pigheadedness into your vampire life is a shitty power to have.



16. Does Edward have to put up with hearing all the vampires in his family fornicate or think about fornicating?
17. If Edward is a qualified doctor, why does he always insist on having Carlisle treat Bella?
18. Why is Bella so goddamn whiney?
19. Why is Bella so mentally defective?
20. Why must Bella set feminism back 20 years?

21. What will Bella's power be when she becomes a vampire? Healing powers? The ability to trip over air? Extreme whingeyness? Super cooking skillz?
22. Will Jacob imprint?
23. Why is Jacob such a whingey little boy? If you haven't imprinted, you might as well not call it love.
24. Because vampires can have kinky secks, what's the deal with being unable to get preggerz?
25. Even though it's probably because they're both technically dead, is it a failing of the uterus or the male ejaculate?

26. How does a vamp-boner occur? Is it because of venom, or a rush of ~*dazzle*~ to the p33n?
27. How do Bella and Edward know they're each others soulmates when their relationship is blatantly devoid of chemistry?
28. What caused Charlie and Renee's breakup?
29. Was there something otherworldly and sinister, or was it simply just a case of it all happening too soon?
30. Why is Renee so freakishly perceptive? It can't be simply because of women's intuition or a sci-fi book.




31. WHY ON EARTH WOULD BELLA LET EDWARD WATCH HER SLEEP? @_@
32. How on earth have I been made to give a shit about these books?
33. How the hale did Leah Clearwater become a wolf?
34. Is Leah's becoming a wolf what set off her father's heart attack and subsequent death? I've read that it probably was, but I can't be arsed to search for a concrete answer.
35. Would La Push be devoid of werewolves entirely if the Cullens had never come to Washington? Or would a few of them have turned eventually?

36. How are Bella, Alice and the other Cullens able to fly internationally and interstate at the drop of a hat? There are no worries about plane tickets, visas, passports and such, it just fucking happens.
37. Why do the vampires' eyes turn a topaz colour when they become vegetarian?
38. Why not green, purple, blue, or pink?
39. Why does Bella have no aspirations past becoming a vampire?
40. How many other mythological creatures are real? Can I expect to see a fairy down at the corner store?

41. What does Esme do all day? I don't remember reading about her having a job, and it's not like she could busy herself with housework and cooking.
42. What else in the woods is more dangerous than Edward? This question was raised on ontd_twatlight, and it's intrigued me. Edward mentions to Bella that he's not the most dangerous thing in the woods, although he mentions this long before he learns of the werewolves in La Push.
43. Is it a reference to some other vampire or mythological creature, or simply a note about the wildlife in the area?
44. Does Australia have any vampires in Smeyer's fictional little world? I would think they'd never be able to venture outside.
45. Do the vampires produce any waste at all?

46. Or does the body process blood that efficiently?
47. How do the vampires never get caught for speeding?
48. Do they have super driving skills?
49. Is it simply a case of them driving too fast for the police to bother chasing them?
50. Or do they have magical cars not unlike the Ministry of Magic ones in Harry Potter?



LOL I came up with a lot more questions than originally anticipated, and in true Smeyer fashion I only expect to receive concrete answers in Breaking Dawn for approximately 10 or less. Feel free to attempt to explain any of them if she has previously given answers, or give your best shot at explaining it.

-- Toodles, Jerry